The car was packed.  We were stoked.  After a couple of years of being in relative isolation and pretty much just focused on work and school, we were heading out on a ski trip we had been planning over the last several months.  Skis were tuned.  Food was purchased.  Airbnb secured.  Ski tickets procured.  Logistics were all in place.  Then my son said he didn’t feel well.  He was coughing.   Just to be safe I had him take a Covid test.  Positive.  We unpacked the car.  We set him up in quarantine.  We let the Airbnb know that we wouldn’t make it.  We sat down in our house and asked, “Now what?”

Then the stories began emerging.   We had wanted to take this trip because we had been holed up for so long.  Seattle is dark and we needed a change of scene.  This was the last trip with our kids to create memories before our oldest heads off to college.  And on and on and on.  With all these stories of swirling around, it was easy to begin to feel weighed down by the mass of the moment.

I’m not suggesting this is some catastrophic situation.  But this stuff just happens in life.  Best laid plans get thwarted by some circumstance that is out of your control.  And yes, it sucks and it’s frustrating.  But inside of these moments, there is a choice.

We could choose to get really bummed out that we lost our money on the place, that our son has Covid, that we’re stuck at home and that we’re not making memories.  That’s the easiest choice.  It is right there for the taking.  It is our ego just salivating to draw us into significance, to take something that is fairly benign and make it a thing, a big thing. 

Or we could just not worked up about it, avoid trying to control something that is out of our control, and put our energy into what we could actually do given the circumstance.  We could avoid getting drawn into the drama, embrace the facts, and make new plans.  That’s not easy work.  In fact, that is the work of life design.  Can you, in the moments when the universe is “doing you a dirty” (my son’s reference), shift from blame to appreciation?  It’s so much easier to live the positives of your life design when things are just going swimmingly well.  But when they aren’t, how do you show up?

This has been a good challenge for me and here is the work I’m doing.

1.       Not lamenting about money lost.  It is what it is.  Other people have had it much harder than we have.  If this is the worst thing then I’m okay

2.       Challenging myself to not work while still being at home.  My pattern is to work while I’m at home a lot.  But I’m trying to create a real staycation and see if I can “stay off email”.  It’s a fun challenge.

3.       Creating intentional connections with my son.  My non-Covid son and I went for a drive yesterday and just had a really amazing conversation about hopes and dreams and fears and gratitude.  It was emotional and special.  I felt lucky.

4.       Just having fun even when things didn’t go as planned.  We made pancakes this morning, took a fitness class together and are doing a cooking class this afternoon.  Sounds like kind of a fun vacation to me.

There is a really strong force that wants me to revert to complaining and lamenting.  It’s so tempting and will feel pretty good.  But then I’m going to miss all the other places that I could put my energy this week and I’m not willing to do that.  Yes, life design is tougher when best laid plans get thwarted.  But that’s where we grow.  I’m growing too.