When I met Andy Sack in 2010, he made me a little nervous.   I knew Andy by reputation only.  He had this big crazy hair and wore these glasses that separated via magnets in the middle so he could just detach and reattach whimsically depending on the moment.  He wore these signature corduroy pants and flannel shirts that usually were partially tucked in.   I remember him being like 8 feet tall, self assured, with a childlike smile and a contagious laugh.  But don’t be deceived.  He also had this ability to look into your soul and could see what you were feeling even before you could put words to it.  So that was my Andy story before I knew Andy.

I like asking questions.  Sometimes I ask so many questions that people wonder if they are ever going to get to ask questions.  I have learned it is my superpower on one level and a defense mechanism on another.  But Andy is such an interesting guy that my curiosity was off the charts. And so that curiosity offensive was in play with Andy.  We got to know each other, became friends, and I have never stopped learning from him.

One of those learning moments seared into my memory, that, while it happened 10 years ago, feels like yesterday.  Andy was the Managing Director of TechStars at the time and I had just completed the 3-month odyssey with an amazing cohort of start-up entrepreneurs.  An unfortunate incident arose soon thereafter where I found myself party to a frivolous lawsuit associated with a prior company I had been involved with.  I had never been sued and this was completely out of the blue.  So yes, I was freaked out. 

I come into Andy’s office full of anger and frustration and fear and tell him the story. In classic Andy tone, he looks at me and says, “Wow, Russell, this sounds like a ‘get to.’”

“A what?” I asked.

“A ‘get to,’” he said. “Think about it: this is a unique experience for you. No one is going to die from this. So few people get to go through this. See what you can learn through this process. You get to go through it.”

 I had never thought about a “get to” before, but it made so much sense. I can choose to fear, or I can choose to be curious and learn. The same facts were in play, but the “get to” put a totally different application on the situation. That alone took some pressure off of me. It helped me see that this wasn’t really about me at all, but that I was being used as a vehicle by the other side to get closer to their own goals. 

Instead of stewing in my fear and anxiety, I was able to get the situation resolved quickly and moved on with the exciting opportunities in front of me. Yes, it was challenging, but Andy was right: no one died.

In One Life to Lead, my new book published in mid-October, I tell this story about Andy in a section of the book talking about “Belief Bubbles” as an important concept in life design.  We spend a lot of time getting spun up on stories that don’t serve us and aren’t grounded in facts.  Andy helped me see that I could choose the “get to” belief bubble in this circumstance. 

Buy the book today to learn more strategies to get in control of architecting a life that is happening “by you” vs. “to you”.  Thanks Andy! 

Russell Benaroya is an entrepreneur, coach, speaker and author of One Life to Lead and Free Yourself to Work on Your Business.  To learn more, visit www.russellbenaroya.com.